My story of being a mother isn’t from classic mom or birth stories. It’s too long, it’s very sad, it’s so surprising, it’s very different, maybe it’s amazing, but the end is very beautiful, as many of you know, and most importantly, I’m going to write in detail about the health problems in my story because maybe it might help someone. I’m warning you too long and too boring for those who aren’t interested, especially if you don’t worry, never start. I wrote seven pages, but it wasn’t possible to shorten it. When I put it under, I said, “How did I go through this?”
I’ve loved kids since I was very young. Even when I was a kid, I’d go after babies and look after them. This love of children inherited from my late grandfather, who loved children. There wouldn’t be any balloons and chocolates missing from his pocket for the kids. My love for children never ended and it grew increasingly. I just found out that my late father realized this and 25 years ago he told his best friend Ilhan Abi that “he loves children too much, God willing, he’ll have kids or he’ll be ruined or he’ll be devastated.” I think I’d be really screwed. I always wanted to have three kids.
When I was studying at university, my wife and I fell in love, started dating, and three and a half years later, when school ended, we got married right away. My wife got a scholarship from the University of Florida in the U.S. for a doctorate, so we moved to Florida three weeks after we got married. This move was very good for me because I lost my dear mom and dad in a car accident exactly a year ago because of an alcoholic driver. I was in the accident, and I was seriously injured, but Miraculously survived. The first year I was severely depressed, and this country change was beneficial. We didn’t think of children immediately because we were only 23 when we got married and the doctoral period was tough. Two years after i left, I started working full-time as research coordinator and principal at the psychology lab at the university, then i got a scholarship and got a master’s degree, and the child was put forward. We were 27, and in the meantime, I found out that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (POS), which had a hormone disorder. Symptoms of this disease are menstrual irregularity, especially weight gain from the waist circumventing, hair removal in unwanted places, male pattern hair loss and higher normal appearance of testosterone hormone in blood tests. I was terrified when I heard that this syndrome made it difficult for pregnant women. I’ve decided to give up the birth control pill I’ve been taking for three years. In the meantime, I learned that the underlying problem in people with PKOS is insulin resistance, which is good for a drug called metformin, and I started using it. It’s definitely necessary to use this drug when you’re pregnant, or it’s likely to be low in the first three months. (consult your doctor first and do not take medication without approval from it). I got pregnant the month I was on the pill when I thought we were going to try to get pregnant for many years. I was going to die of amazement and happiness. Turns out you’re very likely to get pregnant that month when you take a contraceptive pill for a while. My wife was very, very happy, too.
My pregnancy was going so well, I had no nausea, I was going to go on my job at college, and I was dreaming of my son to be born. I thought the sad period in my life was over, a very happy period. When I was nine weeks old, I had a slight bleeding, and I guessed from my research that there was a lack of progesterone, and I proved it with a blood test that I had forced. It’s not as easy in America as in Turkey, getting tested or going on extra ultrasound. Once in pregnancy, when you’re 18 weeks old, you go into an ultrasound, and if you don’t have a problem, you don’t go in again. It’s not like that, and every doctor doesn’t have an ultrasound device in his room. There’s one in the hospital, and you’re chasing him. It wasn’t that small hospital, it was the best research hospital in Florida we went to. I forced progesterone supplements, and when I started taking them, my stains were cut off instantly. In my subsequent pregnancies, I used progesterone for the first three months and i saw the benefit.
Everything looked great in the big ultrasound in 18 weeks. Our son was growing up very healthy, my weight gain was normal, my blood tests were good. I have a little bit of a feeling, which is the subject of another article, but I asked the doctor, “Professor, could I have uterine failure?” because I had a feeling like that. The doctor, of course, made a little fun of me for nothing in sight, and he said there couldn’t be a better ultrasound. I asked him, “There’s nothing wrong with it anymore, is there?” And he said, “No one can guarantee it.” He was right.
I woke up one morning when I was 20 and a half weeks pregnant. We were going to go for a ride to Orlando, an hour and a half away that day. Next thing I know, I’ve got some bleeding. We went to the er right away. The doctor started doing the ultrasound. I can’t tell you how happy and relieved I was when I saw my son Kaan moving on the screen. But the doctor’s face was suddenly hung. He ran immediately and called two more doctors. God, what was going on, okay, my son was alive, very active, why was it messed up? When the doctor explained that my cervix had been opened and the baby’s feet were about to come out, and today, it was very likely that this birth would take place, and boiling water was pouring out of my brain. But my baby wasn’t old enough to live yet…
They put me to bed right away and lifted the toes of the bed to the far the top. There was a very small chance that Kaan slipped inwards. After that, they would try to stitch the cervix, in the meantime, if my water does not explode… In that case, my head was down, my feet lay in the air for hours, my wife and I were miserable. Unfortunately, i had water in the morning and couldn’t stop my son from being born. My son Kaan was born on January 3, 2004. It was only 20.5 weeks and 357 grams. She was a miniature baby, but she had everything, and she was alive when she was born, but she passed away because her lungs didn’t develop. I have a beautiful picture, and it looks a lot like Joy. I was shocked by the resemblance when joy came up. My wife and I have all my dreams dead. There’s no way I’m going to tell you about this pain, so may God not inflict child pain on anyone. I lost my parents, but there’s no description of Kaan’s pain. My heart’s been ripped out. I’m a rock…
We were waiting for some very bad days after the birth. I was loitered, but I didn’t have a baby. Even now, I feel the pain of leaving that hospital empty-handed with my wife. Within two or three days, my breasts were filled with milk, and that’s when I became even more miserable. I had milk, but I didn’t have a baby to breastfeed. Incompetent American doctors didn’t even think about giving me a drug to cut this milk. However, it’s possible. I tried to wrap cabbage leaves and do it or something. I gave birth, but a week later, I returned to my college job and gave myself to work. When I went to postpartum control, that professor couldn’t even look at me. Even though he had examined me from the bottom and with an ultrasound, he didn’t notice a problem with me. Normally, women’s cervix is around 5cm long, but mine is born 1cm fidin. A cyniccy that was born only occurs one in 10 million. What a rare person I am, i’m afraid. Normally, when there is uterine failure (yes I had uterine failure, i had uterine failure) and the weak cervix is performed with a simple operation from the bottom vaginal serklaj (stitching) and thus carrying the baby longer mothers. It’s a very procedural. But my cervix wasn’t long enough to throw this stitch. The doctor mentioned a surgery called Trans-Abdominal Cerclage (TAC), a very rare surgery, but perhaps only through surrogacy said I could have children. When I left, my wife and I weren’t in a position to talk. We came home quietly.
After I got over the shock, I started looking into it right away. I’m a man. I’ll move right away. First, I gathered information about the surgery. In this surgery, she was getting into her abdomen like a caesarean section, and where the uterus ended, she was wearing a clamp on her cervix and disabling this cervix and holding the baby inside. It’s a very rare operation, and it’s a bit of a dangerous operation, so it’s the last resort. Usually people carry 3-4 babies for five to six years and lose it, and they can carry the baby to the end.
By the way, I joined a group of women who had this surgery on the internet, and it was good for me to read their stories. This surgery was very successful. I’ve learned a lot from the Abbyloopers group at Yahoo, and I’m still seeing them. The only problem was, i don’t know. Not every doctor could do this surgery. He was doing 10 doctors in America, and there was no doctor doing it in Florida, where we lived. In Europe, he was only a doctor in England. No one did it in Turkey, but now it’s doing two doctors. But they don’t wear handcuffs, they sew, and that’s not ideal for every case. Nevertheless, there are those who have this surgery in Turkey and they have been able to carry their babies to the end. If I had surgery outside Of Florida, our health insurance there wouldn’t cover it, and the surgery would cost $20,000. It was impossible for us to meet it as a student. It was a huge disappointment.
My wife was about to run out of PhDs and wanted to work in America for about two years. He’s been offered a job at different universities. When we chose his job, we also checked if there was any doctor doing this surgery in the city we’re going to do. I mean, I’d say our desire for children has even affected our careers. We moved to Durham, North Carolina, to work at Duke University. Our first job was to find Dr. Haywood Brown, who performed this surgery there. She looked and said she was going to do the surgery, but she said she should get pregnant first. She wanted to do the surgery when I was three months pregnant because that’s when the surgery was performed. When she was 3 months pregnant, they cut like a c-section, remove the womb with a baby and put the cuffs on her tip (TAC). I said no, I don’t want him. It was risky and my baby was going to get anesthesia.
The only doctor in the world named Dr. Haney, the one who invented this surgery, performed this surgery before the pregnancy, but he was in Chicago. I found Dr. Haney’s phone, and I called him. I told her about the situation, I cried on the phone, and I told him Dr. Brown didn’t agree to do the surgery before the pregnancy, and I begged her to convince her. Dr. Haney is one of the best people in the world, and I think he spoke to me for an hour and a half, even though he knew I’d never be sick. He was a Dr. Brown student, and he taught all the people who did this surgery. Dr. Brown is also president of the American Association of Gynecologists, by the way, an incredibly famous doctor. Anyway, in the end, Dr. Haney called my doctor to Chicago and put her into two or three pre-pregnancies, and that’s how she taught me to do the surgery because it was so different that she did it before the uterus grew. By the way, I had to wait a year until it was my turn because my doctor was so busy. Of course, those waits took me a lifetime. It’s hard to wait when you want a baby. By the way, I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant.
Just when it’s time for surgery, he said he wouldn’t cover the insurance surgery. The reason is that if this surgery was performed before the pregnancy, it was an unnecessary surgery, or if I couldn’t get pregnant after the surgery, I would have had surgery in vain! I’m crazy. After my long efforts, I went to a fertility doctor and got a report that this woman would probably get pregnant and be very fertile. This has all been my research. I convinced the insurance, and it’s the day of the surgery. Duke University Hospital is one of america’s most respected hospitals. ‘Pre-pregnancy TAC surgery’ was a very big event as this hospital will be performed for the first time. Doctors from Canada and other states of the United States came to watch for surgery. I had about 20 doctors and about 30 nurses on my head. They all came up to me and wished me good luck, and then they went to see.
Now, you know, I don’t like to talk about politics and religion on the site because it sounds inappropriate, but when I tell this story, it’s going to be missing if I don’t tell this place. The two doctors who performed my surgery were very devout Christians, even their own churches. This surgery was very important to me, and it was a start. I asked my doctor to pray to God when he started the surgery. After all, we believe in the same God. He and the other doctor suddenly took my wife’s hand and started praying so beautifully that I can’t tell you. They only prayed to God. God, give strength to our hands and say things that we may have a good outcome. I still can’t forget. I started my surgery in such a state and morale, and it ended up very well. I was not allowed to get pregnant for months after the surgery. Just as the bans were lifted, my wife received a job offer from his current university and it was confirmed that we would return to Istanbul months later. I was so happy to be back, but I had to wait again because I wasn’t allowed on an American-Turkey plane when I was pregnant. If the birth started in the air, I couldn’t have given birth normally because of the handcuffs, i couldn’t even die in the air, i wasn’t going to have a C-section. We kept waiting again. We returned to Turkey in January 2006. We waited five months for private insurance. I finally found out I was pregnant in September 2006. Kaan, it’s been almost three years since i left. Easy to speak… I know how those three years went by.
I had complete confidence in the surgery I was in, but there’s still a concern in the person that I’m going to give birth any minute. I started sleeping when I was four months pregnant. I was going to Dr. Herman, my gynecologist for 13 years, once a week to Labor. We weren’t taking any chances because of the risk. From 5 months on, my son Mehmet Alper had gone down completely and only he was handcuffed. I’m glad i did. I was just going out of the house to go to the doctor, and if the ultrasound was good, we were going to Istinye Park for two hours, and there we were walking around with a wheelchair and my wife was walking around and eating. Oh, how could I wait two hours? When I was at home, I used to only get up for the toilet and dinner, except i’d lie on the side all the time. I was one of the p17 progesterone needles that hurt a lot once a week. It prevented contractions and premature birth. I’ve been to these needles until i’m born.
My dear doctor said that she was researching me at the beginning of the pregnancy and that it would be appropriate to take the babies who were transported after this surgery at 37 weeks and 1 day. He didn’t want to take risks, the baby wouldn’t have had any trouble, and he didn’t want to force the handcuffs too hard in case there was a second baby. He looked at history and said he’d pick it up on May 19th, and I started crying. Because if my first son, Kaan, was born in time, he would have been born on May 19, 2004. God, what kind of plan did you come up with? What lessons were there? It’s been so many days in a year, and exactly three years after Kaan was born, I held my dear son Mehmet Alper. He was born 37 weeks a day, 3 kilos, 70 g and 48 centimeters. Thank God he was very healthy and genie. He was born into our lives like a sun, covering all my sorrows with his light, making them invisible. Those sorrows are always in pain, of course, but life is beautiful and meaningful with my children. It’s worth living every day, and it’s a gift from God to us.
My doctor, Mr. Herman, and Alper waited a long time, we were thrilled. My birth was an epiduralli c-section. The TAC was left in place in case I had another baby. It was great to experience everything at birth, to talk to my wife and doctor. It was great that Mr. Herman, even in an O.R., had great classical music and things that kept talking to me and saying things that boosted my morale. Alper was born, everything was great, but I noticed that there was a recession in Mr. Herman. The guy who was so cheerful when Alper came out was a little glum afterwards. Is there even something wrong with the baby? I told you, but if I only knew, i thought it was like a baby, and it was me!
We’ll go back there. Alper was a very comfortable baby. He sucked like crazy, and Mashallah had a lot of milk. He only fed breast milk. It was easy to care for, too, just crying when she was hungry. I hope everyone has a baby like that. By the way, my wife kept asking me, “Are you low on milk?” And i’d say no with a little anger. Alper was 8.5 months old and I wanted to reduce the scope of my private health insurance a little bit, when the promise of health was opened, my wife said, “I think I need to show you this now” and brought a biopsy report. I don’t understand anything. After my doctor took Alper at birth, she said she’d take care of the ovaries and was on my left ovary, which was met with a tumor the size of the ovarian (3cm). At first glance he understood that he wasn’t benign, and he completely cleaned up the tumor and sent it to the biopsy. So my birth also turned into a tumor and cancer surgery. That’s why he’s upset.
After the birth, he called Tarcan and gave him this report and the card of an oncologist he trusted. When his milk was a little low, he said, “Go to this oncologist.” But by the way, he called me every three months and looked at me with an ultrasound. I was like, “There’s so much control, and after birth, people are giving birth in the field.” Turns out he was looking for if the tumor grew again.
Of course, I immediately started reviewing the biopsy report, and I didn’t get it. There’s a tumor, but what? I immediately googled the result section and came across THE TYPES OF EGG CANCER. Of course, I’m in shock and crying. Was God not finished, but I would sork? I called my doctor right away. Mr. Herman was angry with Mr. Fuat, “Have you gone yet?” Anyway, the next day we made an appointment with a thousand and one requests and went to Onkolog-Gynecologist Prof. Fuat Demirkıran. Mr. Fuat was so angry, he said we should come so late and have surgery right away. I had an MRI and saw something new coming out of the tumor. The tumor was a borderline breed, so it’s like the best of the malignant. There are those who say the onset of cancer, not as bad as invasive, but there are those who die of it, mine was a genus papillary, so it was a little more dangerous. There was a possibility of spreading. Thanks to my doctor, we caught him early. He said if we didn’t catch him, you’d be dead in two years, oncologist, so the birth of my Alper and the attention of my doctor saved my life.
I was terrible going into surgery. It’s hard to get into surgery when you have a child. I put a picture of Alper in my chest, and i went in like that. I showed it to everyone in the O.R. Look, I said, “This is my 9-month-old son, I need to get him back, do it accordingly.” I’d say everyone cried. My surgery went well. The left ovaries and tubes where the tumor came out were removed, and the appendicitis and abdominal membrane were smeared first in case the cancer came back. The right ovarian was also removed from the piece, but the fast biopside (frozen) performed during the surgery was called a clean right ovary. If she’d left there, she’d have her right ovary, and I’d be in menopause, so there wouldn’t be any girls. This is the wisdom of Allah. That test was 90 percent accurate.
The surgery was heavy and I suffered a lot. They cut my belly button down. It was hard for me to get better. Nevertheless, I started milking my breast milk with the help of my dear friend Eser from where I slept 3 hours after the surgery so that Alper could drink more milk. I was milked every three hours, and I threw it because it was anesthetic. I did this for four days. It wasn’t something anyone could do, but I was. I believe you can do what a mother puts on her head. That’s how motherhood gives you that kind of power. So when I came home four days later, Alper kept sucking. It was great to have my son back.
Ten days after the surgery, on February 25, 2008, I entered the doctor’s office with laughter and joy as usual on my birthday, but my doctor wasn’t laughing. When I saw him like that, I knew something was wrong. The long biopsy from the result was the same tumor in the remaining right ovary. That’s my 32. It was my birthday present. We talked, and I insisted that I told Alper I wanted to be brothers. I’m an only child, and when I lost my parents, I always said I wish I had a brother. I didn’t want him to grow up alone. Yes, it was a bit risky, but the tumor in the remaining ovarian didn’t even show up, i hope it wouldn’t grow, without me making Alper a brother:) My doctor thought I was crazy, but he let me take the risk, but under one condition. If I ivf right now. Because the shape of the remaining tubure was very decomposed, it could take months or even years for the sperm to go to the egg, and there was no time for that tumor to grow at any moment. I said okay. We took a break after the surgery, and when Alper was 14 months old, we had IVF in June. We used very little hormones, and my IVF doctor Dr. Melih Aygün arranged the needles so beautifully that it was just two embryos, just as we wanted. They’re Joy and Inspiration.
On July 25th, they implanted the embryos in my womb. My wife and I came home. Alper wasn’t walking yet. I went to bed, and my wife took Alper to a birthday party in the park. I said to my wife. “Alper is a brother now and he’s going to walk there.” yes, he really walked there for the first time and walked since.
We put two embryos because of the tumor, it would be my only chance to try IVF. We wanted to increase our chances. Dr. Aygün said to me, “Ece Hanim, you are very fertile, no matter how many we put.” But of course you don’t know. I didn’t really want it to be twins because it was going to be very difficult and risky to carry due to uterine failure. There were twins in America, though. I’m so glad to know you’re twins, but I was scared. Every ultrasound, my doctor was cautious, and maybe one of them could go and fall into one pregnancy, and that’s how it could be. And I was like, “No, I know they’re going to be twins.” When she was 18 weeks old, she sent it to a worldwide twin pregnancy specialist, my doctor for a large ultrasound. Before turning on the machine, I told the doctor, “Look, now you’re going to see a very scary image, don’t be afraid.” She said “oo what I saw” because she was the one who operated on the twins in her womb, but she was so surprised when she turned on the ultrasound. Both of my daughters had their heads on the birth canal, and only those little handcuffs were holding them, and the girls’ water bag slipped down the tiny hole of the handcuffs, and there was a water bag at the bottom. It was going to explode at any moment. He was so mad at me why he didn’t mind one of these, then he blamed me for saying they’d have more chances. So I said, “I can’t make that decision, if they’re lucky, they’re both alive, I couldn’t pick and pick one.”
Of course, this pregnancy was spent the same way with sleeping and needles. But this time I had a 1-year-old baby, and it was hard not to hold her and not be able to run and walk around with her. We did a lot of activities at home while I was lying down and sitting. The kid’s got such a quality of time and activity that has evolved. His father and my uncle showed him around. We used to go to the doctor together, and after the doctor, he’d be in my arms while i was in a wheelchair in Istinye Park. He’d love that.
The fears were always in my mind; What if they’re born too soon? What if they don’t? Okay, he carried Alper, TAC, but how long was she going to carry the two babies? By the way, how was my tumor? After three months, we couldn’t see the ovary because the uterus grew, and we had no idea what it was. It was a little scary. We tried not to think about it. It was hard for my wife, too. Frankly, we forgot to think of my daughters.
By the way, I told you that my feelings were a little strong. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d feel like I was going to be a 32-year-old mother of three, and I would tell her. I said it was impossible to get Alper born at 31 because of health problems. It happened so much that i was pregnant with the 32-year-old twins, but if my feelings were right, the girls would have been born prematurely. I prayed a lot so that my feelings wouldn’t turn out to be true, but a day before my birthday, i came in with my water, and on February 24, 2009, I became a mother of three, 32 years old.
My daughters were born 33 weeks old. By the way, the girls are about to take this handcuffs to their 30th birthday. They tore it off a week, but they weren’t born right away because the bladder came in and blocked the front of the uterus and prevented them from leaving. If they had born three weeks earlier, things could have been different and worse. It’s a miracle.
We were very happy to see that the tumor in my ovary never grew. If we see a comprehensive check-up every six months, the slightest growth, he decided to immediately take the ovary and the uterus, and if it wasn’t growing, he decided to take everything towards the age of 40, my doctor. This comprehensive inspection was ultrasound and manual examination and ca125 and other cancer markers in the blood were looked at. Every five or six months for four years, Dr. Herman
Every five or six months for four years, Dr. Herman went and we laughed, “I’ll see you in six months. That’s not how I checked four months ago. When the ultrasound turned on, my doctor and I were laughing, looking at the screen, and looking at the same image for years, so we realized that the one on the screen was a huge tumor. I looked at him and said, “Mr. Herman…” Said. So he looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Ece.” His eyes were full. So do I…
The 3cm ovarian has grown 6 cm, a 3cm tumor on it and two small tumors. I had surgery in six days. I took a picture of my three lambs to the surgery this time and showed it to the people in that room. In the operation, the uterus, the remaining ovaries, tubes, lymph nodes were removed. My stomach was cut off, they took pieces from everywhere and sent them to examine it, and they took all the organs in my belly and examined it. It’s been a big surgery, but they didn’t want to take any risks. Oncologist-Gynecologist Ilkkan Dünder and Herman Labor performed the surgery. In fact, this surgery is performed by performing both general anesthesia and epidural because it’s a very large and painful surgery. I didn’t ask for general anesthesia because I didn’t want my grandmother and uncle to see me unconscious with general anesthesia and upset them. It’s been hard to convince my doctors because they’ve never had such a major surgery on the epidurallbefore. I’m a bit determined and persuasive, and I’ve done it. I was awake in two hours and 45 minutes of surgery, and I talked to them. I’ve heard the whole surgery. As the surgery went on a little longer and they started checking the organs on the abdomen one by one, I began to feel the surgery and the pain. I had a very difficult 15 minutes, feeling everything, but in the end, the surgery was over, they pulled my family out of the door of the o.R., i saw my family on a stretcher and I was awake, laughing. It gave them a lot of morale and me. The next three days were very, very difficult, i don’t even want to tell you, but the important thing is that my results were good and it didn’t spread, and it wasn’t in the abdominal fluid, so we did it without seeing kemateropi. Oh, thank God.
My recovery was difficult 15 days later, i had fluid accumulated in my stomach and re-drilled and 1 glass of water was removed. That was very depressing. Anyway, it’s all over. Being a mother was everything to me, and it’s still everything. I know the value of it because it’s something I want so much and it’s hard to get, I enjoy every moment and I thank every day. Despite all the health problems and so much reason why I can’t be a mother, I’m so happy to be a mother to my four children, one in heaven, three of whom have four children. Motherhood is the meaning of life, happiness and the name of every day. I don’t want to be very much at every step of my name, I do a lot of research, I insist on it, I’m very determined and strong, most of all, god willing to do it and i’m the servant that God loves. There’s always been two extremes in my life. I’ve had some very horrible, very sad things (i don’t lose my mother, father and son Kaan, my illnesses and a total of 6 surgeries) and the most beautiful and wonderful things in the world (I’ve been very happy with my wife for 18 years, 3 healthy sweet babies, my sensitive mother site 🙂). The important thing is to appreciate every day and not rebel. I’ve always looked at life positively and with hope, and it’s helped me a lot in my life. I didn’t poison life with people around me. I think everyone should be their own psychologist and inspire themselves. It all depends on our point of view.
If you’ve read my story of being a very, very long mother, you’ll have to keep in mind that every mother is so strong and she’ll do everything she’s put in mind. You have that power.